A bunch of random thoughts

So I am currently reading a book titled "How Women Help Men Find God" by David Murrow, it's very good so far. I am only on Chapter 6 but I am really enjoying it. I decided to take a break from my usual 'man and woman' relationship style books and look at another aspect of what's going on in my life. I began reading this book and it was not what I expected at all. It's really about why men and boys struggle with today's church!
HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!!
This is exactly what happened with my husband. He became frustrated with how church was being done. Now I have to fight to get him to come at all. Granted there is a lot more to my story then just that but for the sake of time we'll come back that in another post.
I wonder how things would be different if I had followed that call on my husbands heart. There was something that just wasn't right for him. For me it was no big deal. I was ready for a change. If only I had read this book a few years ago my life would probably look very different today. I would highly recommend it for anyone who has a man in their life who is struggling with church.
Anyway it suggests that we need to be more male minded in our planning and style. I am not really sure why I felt compelled to write about this book especially since I have so much yet to read but I'll keep you posted as I read more.

On to other things.

One thing that I am dealing with right now is going back to work! I have been back part time this last year. It's been OK. I just struggle because my heart is at home with my baby. I know every mom must go through this to some extent when faced with having to leave there child in the care of someone else but that just doesn't make it any easier. I guess it's harder for me because before we tried for our first child my husband and I talked about this. He said that he would do whatever it took so that I could stay home with our children. However after having our son there were so many changes that took place in my husband and well... his promise fell thru. I know he has times when he does try really hard and I appreciate those times emensely. However there also seems to be times when he just doesn't try and all and would rather just sit at home and play video games all day then try to make money or even just help with things around the house. It's days like that where I get so frustrated. I want to be home but have to work because we can't afford for me not to, but he sits at home and does next to nothing. I don't know if he is just stressed and this is how he destresses or if it's just that he is lazy or if he is ashamed becaue he can't find work. I really have no idea, he doesn't share that information with me. So that's why I come here. Here to vent. Maybe someone out there is having a simular struggle.

Next year I am planning to go back to work full time. Trying to figure out childcare is always fun. It's really hard to justify going back when most of my salary will be going to pay someone to watch my boy. Silly world we live in. I really want someone who will instill good Godly values into my son on a daily basis especially now that my husband is taking the stance of a non-believer. I want Jaden to know God. I want him to know that Jesus loves him and will always be with him. That is my biggest wish if I were to die; that the people left behind would tell Jaden about God and how much He loves him. Oh the worries of a mom.

Well I know these are a bunch of random thoughts and I know it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense other than in my own mind but it helps to write it down somehow.

My prayer for today.
I pray that my son will have good people in his life. People who will nurture and guide him to be all that he was created to be. I pray that he will have wisdom to make wise choices (wiser than mommy and daddy have been). I pray that he will always know that Jesus loves him.
I pray my husband will find a job that he will really enjoy and that will allow him to be the man that he was created to be. I pray that he will find joy once again.
I pray that I will continue to love my son and my husband whole-heartedly. I pray that I will be a joyful person again and not let the sorrows of this life weigh on me. I pray that I can see God in every situation and be all that he is calling me to be. -Amen.