Today i was doing some cleaning and I found something that I will hold on to very dearly. I found an old letter from Trevor. It was written before we were even dating. It was a letter encouraging me in my walk with Jesus. WOW what an impact this has on me now. I know this came from his heart and I know that God is still there, working in him. I can see it. I only wish I knew what it was that is now keeping him away from such a loving and powerful God. It seems so strange.
He has been so depressed lately. It's so SO hard to watch because I can see so clearly that this severe depression has come since he has lost his faith. He is very hard on himself and now that he has nothing to give all that up to, it's taking a tole on him. I try to do what I can but I know that I alone can do nothing. I know the best thing I can do is PRAY.
Lord, help Trevor. Bring him joy once again. Relieve the stress and the worries of this world and let him be at peace again. Restore his hope again, Lord. I ask for wisdom God, wisdom to know how to react, and handle the situations that arise. Give me love and patience for my husband. Let me always show him you, in everything that I do. You are the author and perfecter of my faith Lord and it's you I turn to in times of trouble. Help me Lord, be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
Amen
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
GREAT DAY!!!
I almost went to bed but then I thought, no I need to put this up.
I wonder if you readers have been praying because today was a great day!
We just lounged around today. Jade was up early because of his teeth but Trevor was trying to keep him quite so I could sleep. Then they came in and I got some snuggles with my boys before I even got out of bed. What a wonderful way to start the day!!! We had some breakfast and watched a movie while Jaden was playing with his toys. Then Jaden was so tired so I put him down for a nap, tried to wake him up after half hour but poor little thing he was OUT!! So I laid down with him and we both slept. Then we went to visit the in-laws, had a great visit had some lunch came back home and Jaden (and daddy) slept for another 2 hours. I had a bath and then joined everyone else in sleeping. Then headed out to a birthday party.
I can't remember the last time I had such a peaceful and relaxed day!!!
Thank you Lord!!!!!
Tomorrow we try a new church, will try and post an update on how it went some time this coming week.
Blessing everyone.
I wonder if you readers have been praying because today was a great day!
We just lounged around today. Jade was up early because of his teeth but Trevor was trying to keep him quite so I could sleep. Then they came in and I got some snuggles with my boys before I even got out of bed. What a wonderful way to start the day!!! We had some breakfast and watched a movie while Jaden was playing with his toys. Then Jaden was so tired so I put him down for a nap, tried to wake him up after half hour but poor little thing he was OUT!! So I laid down with him and we both slept. Then we went to visit the in-laws, had a great visit had some lunch came back home and Jaden (and daddy) slept for another 2 hours. I had a bath and then joined everyone else in sleeping. Then headed out to a birthday party.
I can't remember the last time I had such a peaceful and relaxed day!!!
Thank you Lord!!!!!
Tomorrow we try a new church, will try and post an update on how it went some time this coming week.
Blessing everyone.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Job Hunt
It seems that since we've been married, we've always struggled with money. Right now is no exception! It's probably as bad as it's ever been because right now, my hubby, has no work. He hasn't really worked for almost 3 weeks now. and before that it was 1 or 2 weeks of work then 1 or 2 weeks off. He has had the odd job but nothing substantial. I only work part time and my salary is not nearly enough to cover our costs. *sigh*
My husband has been working for himself for the last 3 years and he says he is done (Hallelujah!!!!) There were some positives of him working for himself but in my eyes way more negatives, including me having to be the heavy all the time and kick my not-so-motivated husbands butt out the door. I am glad that this is coming to an end. He said he has come to realize that he just doesn't have what it takes to run his own business. This takes A LOT of stress off of me. An answer to prayer!!!
Winter is always slow, things should start picking up but just when he gets a few calls he injures his arm. ARG!!! It's always something right, lol. So now even if he had work he couldn't do a lot anyway. He said today that his arm is starting to feel better. Maybe he won't have to do physio as we first thought. That too would be an answer to prayer as we just can't afford it.
Well the more that we struggle the more I see and realize that God is trying to teach us something thru our financial situation. I believe we have placed too high a value on stuff. Even if at times, I would wonder why it seems we were so far behind everyone else. I believe God wants our everything and if we have to loose everything in order to get there..., so be it!!! I feel very peaceful (I think for the first time ever) as to where we are at financially. It's really odd because there is a very good chance that we will loose our home. I don't think I have ever been more sure that God is in control and that this is a journey that He is taking us on.
We are so blessed to have a wonderful family with extra space, lol. My parents have offered to let us move in with them if we need to. What I have been thinking about is trying to rent our place out while living with my parents to pay off some debt and try to get a down payment together. During that time Trevor will hopefully find a good and reliable job. The first step however is to visit a financial advisor and see what they can suggest for us.
I realize that I should probably not be posting about such private issues. But alas where else do I go? The only realistic money conversation I can have with my husband is me talking and him saying "mm hmm, right" I feel bad! I know it's a huge stress for him and I don't want to burden him more then he already is. So I come here. Again to let loose on the waves of the world wide web, lol.
Well, my prayer for today is that my wonderful husband finds a good job that he can really enjoy. Something that will draw him into the real meaning of life and where he will have the opportunity to have many great conversations. It doesn't have to be a super high paying job, I just ask for something that will fulfil my husband as a man and help him get out of his depression. A steady paycheck would be really nice too :).
I pray for wisdom on where to go from here, and that the financial advisor will have some great suggestions for us.
But more than anything else I pray that God will continue to move us on this journey. I pray that I will continue to feel His grace and peace thru this whole thing. That somehow He will use this to strengthen my relationship to Him and to my husband and to my family. AMEN
I keep thinking of this quote from Beth Moore in her bible study series on Esther. "If this... then God." So many people ask if this happens then what? My answer, if we loose our home then God will provide another place for us to go.
Thank you Lord for providing and loving us SO much. Even if Trevor can't see it right now, I know you are working in our lives.
What an AWESOME GOD I serve!!!
My husband has been working for himself for the last 3 years and he says he is done (Hallelujah!!!!) There were some positives of him working for himself but in my eyes way more negatives, including me having to be the heavy all the time and kick my not-so-motivated husbands butt out the door. I am glad that this is coming to an end. He said he has come to realize that he just doesn't have what it takes to run his own business. This takes A LOT of stress off of me. An answer to prayer!!!
Winter is always slow, things should start picking up but just when he gets a few calls he injures his arm. ARG!!! It's always something right, lol. So now even if he had work he couldn't do a lot anyway. He said today that his arm is starting to feel better. Maybe he won't have to do physio as we first thought. That too would be an answer to prayer as we just can't afford it.
Well the more that we struggle the more I see and realize that God is trying to teach us something thru our financial situation. I believe we have placed too high a value on stuff. Even if at times, I would wonder why it seems we were so far behind everyone else. I believe God wants our everything and if we have to loose everything in order to get there..., so be it!!! I feel very peaceful (I think for the first time ever) as to where we are at financially. It's really odd because there is a very good chance that we will loose our home. I don't think I have ever been more sure that God is in control and that this is a journey that He is taking us on.
We are so blessed to have a wonderful family with extra space, lol. My parents have offered to let us move in with them if we need to. What I have been thinking about is trying to rent our place out while living with my parents to pay off some debt and try to get a down payment together. During that time Trevor will hopefully find a good and reliable job. The first step however is to visit a financial advisor and see what they can suggest for us.
I realize that I should probably not be posting about such private issues. But alas where else do I go? The only realistic money conversation I can have with my husband is me talking and him saying "mm hmm, right" I feel bad! I know it's a huge stress for him and I don't want to burden him more then he already is. So I come here. Again to let loose on the waves of the world wide web, lol.
Well, my prayer for today is that my wonderful husband finds a good job that he can really enjoy. Something that will draw him into the real meaning of life and where he will have the opportunity to have many great conversations. It doesn't have to be a super high paying job, I just ask for something that will fulfil my husband as a man and help him get out of his depression. A steady paycheck would be really nice too :).
I pray for wisdom on where to go from here, and that the financial advisor will have some great suggestions for us.
But more than anything else I pray that God will continue to move us on this journey. I pray that I will continue to feel His grace and peace thru this whole thing. That somehow He will use this to strengthen my relationship to Him and to my husband and to my family. AMEN
I keep thinking of this quote from Beth Moore in her bible study series on Esther. "If this... then God." So many people ask if this happens then what? My answer, if we loose our home then God will provide another place for us to go.
Thank you Lord for providing and loving us SO much. Even if Trevor can't see it right now, I know you are working in our lives.
What an AWESOME GOD I serve!!!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
A bunch of random thoughts
So I am currently reading a book titled "How Women Help Men Find God" by David Murrow, it's very good so far. I am only on Chapter 6 but I am really enjoying it. I decided to take a break from my usual 'man and woman' relationship style books and look at another aspect of what's going on in my life. I began reading this book and it was not what I expected at all. It's really about why men and boys struggle with today's church!
HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!!
This is exactly what happened with my husband. He became frustrated with how church was being done. Now I have to fight to get him to come at all. Granted there is a lot more to my story then just that but for the sake of time we'll come back that in another post.
I wonder how things would be different if I had followed that call on my husbands heart. There was something that just wasn't right for him. For me it was no big deal. I was ready for a change. If only I had read this book a few years ago my life would probably look very different today. I would highly recommend it for anyone who has a man in their life who is struggling with church.
Anyway it suggests that we need to be more male minded in our planning and style. I am not really sure why I felt compelled to write about this book especially since I have so much yet to read but I'll keep you posted as I read more.
On to other things.
One thing that I am dealing with right now is going back to work! I have been back part time this last year. It's been OK. I just struggle because my heart is at home with my baby. I know every mom must go through this to some extent when faced with having to leave there child in the care of someone else but that just doesn't make it any easier. I guess it's harder for me because before we tried for our first child my husband and I talked about this. He said that he would do whatever it took so that I could stay home with our children. However after having our son there were so many changes that took place in my husband and well... his promise fell thru. I know he has times when he does try really hard and I appreciate those times emensely. However there also seems to be times when he just doesn't try and all and would rather just sit at home and play video games all day then try to make money or even just help with things around the house. It's days like that where I get so frustrated. I want to be home but have to work because we can't afford for me not to, but he sits at home and does next to nothing. I don't know if he is just stressed and this is how he destresses or if it's just that he is lazy or if he is ashamed becaue he can't find work. I really have no idea, he doesn't share that information with me. So that's why I come here. Here to vent. Maybe someone out there is having a simular struggle.
Next year I am planning to go back to work full time. Trying to figure out childcare is always fun. It's really hard to justify going back when most of my salary will be going to pay someone to watch my boy. Silly world we live in. I really want someone who will instill good Godly values into my son on a daily basis especially now that my husband is taking the stance of a non-believer. I want Jaden to know God. I want him to know that Jesus loves him and will always be with him. That is my biggest wish if I were to die; that the people left behind would tell Jaden about God and how much He loves him. Oh the worries of a mom.
Well I know these are a bunch of random thoughts and I know it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense other than in my own mind but it helps to write it down somehow.
My prayer for today.
I pray that my son will have good people in his life. People who will nurture and guide him to be all that he was created to be. I pray that he will have wisdom to make wise choices (wiser than mommy and daddy have been). I pray that he will always know that Jesus loves him.
I pray my husband will find a job that he will really enjoy and that will allow him to be the man that he was created to be. I pray that he will find joy once again.
I pray that I will continue to love my son and my husband whole-heartedly. I pray that I will be a joyful person again and not let the sorrows of this life weigh on me. I pray that I can see God in every situation and be all that he is calling me to be. -Amen.
HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!!
This is exactly what happened with my husband. He became frustrated with how church was being done. Now I have to fight to get him to come at all. Granted there is a lot more to my story then just that but for the sake of time we'll come back that in another post.
I wonder how things would be different if I had followed that call on my husbands heart. There was something that just wasn't right for him. For me it was no big deal. I was ready for a change. If only I had read this book a few years ago my life would probably look very different today. I would highly recommend it for anyone who has a man in their life who is struggling with church.
Anyway it suggests that we need to be more male minded in our planning and style. I am not really sure why I felt compelled to write about this book especially since I have so much yet to read but I'll keep you posted as I read more.
On to other things.
One thing that I am dealing with right now is going back to work! I have been back part time this last year. It's been OK. I just struggle because my heart is at home with my baby. I know every mom must go through this to some extent when faced with having to leave there child in the care of someone else but that just doesn't make it any easier. I guess it's harder for me because before we tried for our first child my husband and I talked about this. He said that he would do whatever it took so that I could stay home with our children. However after having our son there were so many changes that took place in my husband and well... his promise fell thru. I know he has times when he does try really hard and I appreciate those times emensely. However there also seems to be times when he just doesn't try and all and would rather just sit at home and play video games all day then try to make money or even just help with things around the house. It's days like that where I get so frustrated. I want to be home but have to work because we can't afford for me not to, but he sits at home and does next to nothing. I don't know if he is just stressed and this is how he destresses or if it's just that he is lazy or if he is ashamed becaue he can't find work. I really have no idea, he doesn't share that information with me. So that's why I come here. Here to vent. Maybe someone out there is having a simular struggle.
Next year I am planning to go back to work full time. Trying to figure out childcare is always fun. It's really hard to justify going back when most of my salary will be going to pay someone to watch my boy. Silly world we live in. I really want someone who will instill good Godly values into my son on a daily basis especially now that my husband is taking the stance of a non-believer. I want Jaden to know God. I want him to know that Jesus loves him and will always be with him. That is my biggest wish if I were to die; that the people left behind would tell Jaden about God and how much He loves him. Oh the worries of a mom.
Well I know these are a bunch of random thoughts and I know it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense other than in my own mind but it helps to write it down somehow.
My prayer for today.
I pray that my son will have good people in his life. People who will nurture and guide him to be all that he was created to be. I pray that he will have wisdom to make wise choices (wiser than mommy and daddy have been). I pray that he will always know that Jesus loves him.
I pray my husband will find a job that he will really enjoy and that will allow him to be the man that he was created to be. I pray that he will find joy once again.
I pray that I will continue to love my son and my husband whole-heartedly. I pray that I will be a joyful person again and not let the sorrows of this life weigh on me. I pray that I can see God in every situation and be all that he is calling me to be. -Amen.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Frustration!
Well I have done it! I have created a blog. We'll see how this works out, lol. This is a place for me to say the things that I can not say elsewhere. I have no idea who will read this, if anyone, but I feel like I need it.
I am a woman. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend. I have dreams, hopes and fears just like anyone else I suppose.
I am starting this blog out of frustration (hence the title). See, I have been posting certain things on my facebook status that I have been told, people don't like. My status' were always vague, just sharing bits of info that people who care would inquire about. Apparently it's too much information. Or something like that. I don't understand a lot of peoples response. I know that non believers may have a hard time with that but I would think that my family would like the info so they can pray. Maybe most people are not like me, when I see a troubling status I take a moment to pray. I am not trying to make myself out to be super righteous, I know I am far from it, but I guess I have an apathetic heart which causes me to do such things. Not everyone is like that.
Well here I can say what I please!!!! I understand my husbands perspective. He said he doesn't' want to share my heart with the world and I get that. However there are some things that I can no longer share with him since he has turned away from faith. So where do I go with those things? Well from now on I guess I will come here. I hope this is helpful to someone. If it's only to myself then so be it.
Life has been extremely challenging these last few years. My world has been rocked to its very core. Everything I wanted in life seems to have shifted if not been stolen from me completely. I am relying 100% on Christ Jesus to help me go from day to day. If I did not have my faith I don't think I would still be in my marriage. In fact I know I would not. However, Christ is calling me to love my husband. So here is where I stay. It's funny cause I know that if I go I could have a wonderful life, perhaps eventually find everything I ever wanted, but I stay. I stay because this is my battle ground. I stay because there is something more yet to be done. I stay because I have hope. Even in times where things seem hopeless and I wonder what tomorrow will bring, I hope. I choose to never let go of that. If Christ releases me then so be it, but for now I press onwards.
So my prayer for today.
Lord you are the one true Living God. May your glory fill the whole earth. Lord help me be the woman you want me to be. Help me to love unconditionally. Help me to be bold and courageous. Let me stand firm in what I believe and not waiver. Help me to be compassionate, and understanding. Help me not to judge but to love freely seeking wisdom in every area of my life.
May I ever rest in your unfailing love.
Amen.
I am a woman. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend. I have dreams, hopes and fears just like anyone else I suppose.
I am starting this blog out of frustration (hence the title). See, I have been posting certain things on my facebook status that I have been told, people don't like. My status' were always vague, just sharing bits of info that people who care would inquire about. Apparently it's too much information. Or something like that. I don't understand a lot of peoples response. I know that non believers may have a hard time with that but I would think that my family would like the info so they can pray. Maybe most people are not like me, when I see a troubling status I take a moment to pray. I am not trying to make myself out to be super righteous, I know I am far from it, but I guess I have an apathetic heart which causes me to do such things. Not everyone is like that.
Well here I can say what I please!!!! I understand my husbands perspective. He said he doesn't' want to share my heart with the world and I get that. However there are some things that I can no longer share with him since he has turned away from faith. So where do I go with those things? Well from now on I guess I will come here. I hope this is helpful to someone. If it's only to myself then so be it.
Life has been extremely challenging these last few years. My world has been rocked to its very core. Everything I wanted in life seems to have shifted if not been stolen from me completely. I am relying 100% on Christ Jesus to help me go from day to day. If I did not have my faith I don't think I would still be in my marriage. In fact I know I would not. However, Christ is calling me to love my husband. So here is where I stay. It's funny cause I know that if I go I could have a wonderful life, perhaps eventually find everything I ever wanted, but I stay. I stay because this is my battle ground. I stay because there is something more yet to be done. I stay because I have hope. Even in times where things seem hopeless and I wonder what tomorrow will bring, I hope. I choose to never let go of that. If Christ releases me then so be it, but for now I press onwards.
So my prayer for today.
Lord you are the one true Living God. May your glory fill the whole earth. Lord help me be the woman you want me to be. Help me to love unconditionally. Help me to be bold and courageous. Let me stand firm in what I believe and not waiver. Help me to be compassionate, and understanding. Help me not to judge but to love freely seeking wisdom in every area of my life.
May I ever rest in your unfailing love.
Amen.
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